Church or not

I have been having a hard time with my faith the last year or so. I have tried to go to church and feel as if I am invisible to everyone. I have witnessed so many things that people do that is pure hypocrisy within the church and I honestly would rather be away from that. Recently I have been having moments as I have been watching the Travis Alexander murder case and I think to myself how sad it is. I think, he was a member, went on a mission, endowed and someone did something terrible to him. And I think of how much harder it would be for his family if they didn't know that families can be together forever and that he is in a better place. Anyway, I have been thinking about it a lot and I feel like I want to try to go back to church, but I want to try baby steps. I don't want to be someones stupid pet project that the bishop assigns them to be friends with. I feel like people really don't truly care when its that case. I want to go at my own pace, I don't want people up in my face, I want friends, but not fake friends. But it is so hard for me to make friends. Especially since most of my views are more liberal which most of the members of the church of conservatives. I feel like people have the right to love and be with who they want and women have the right to do what they want with their bodies. Stopping them having the right is only allowing Satan to have his way and not allow people to have free agency. I have been immature in the past and admit it, who hasn't? It's part of growing up. But I deal with so many people that do not like me and I hear so many things about me. and all I can say is, you really must be unhappy with yourself, cuz' if you're talking about me, you really must not have anything going on in your life. Yes I can be a bitch, I can be moody, I can be brutally truthful and brash, but that is who I am. But I can also be a little church mouse and stay quiet in a corner and hide away from the world. But what fun is that? I want to experience the world, this life. I want to have my children and raise them with open minds and to teach them the gospel and I want to be with my husband forever. All I know is, I feel that there is this strong force pulling me to go to the temple. To go to church, to feel the spirit. But I fear that I will have to go to a different ward (again) since the last one someone there talked crap about me and nobody even cares to contact us. That is what makes me so upset sometimes.. That I can be going through such a hard time, needing to have support and to be lifted up and they just let me fall. every ward I go to. It always happens.. Heres to hoping for a new beginning.. To start again.